I Didn’t Know How to Separate Them

This is the climax of the whole confession — and the book’s most precise first-person description of a trauma bond: “I wanted not the pain — you. But I didn’t know how to separate them.” When for years the only source of attention has been the source of pain, the psyche welds them into one channel: pain becomes proof of connection, the tormentor’s return — confirmation of existence.

Note the mechanics of self-deception Simon uncovers himself: “I endured and called it love… otherwise I would have had to admit: you were not coming back to me — you were coming back to my fear.” Reaching this truth is where therapy begins untangling such bonds. Simon reached it on his own — but alone, too late, and in a room where the chains already lie.