From the Same Root

“I hate him” sounds in Simon’s head like a memorized prayer — and it does not work. Because here hatred and longing are not opposites: both grew from the same soil — a three-year bond of violence, the most intense connection of his life. Psychologists call it a trauma bond: cycles of fear and “attention” tie a person to the aggressor more tightly than kindness would.

The brain does not sort strong arousal into “good” and “bad” as neatly as we imagine: fear, shame and desire run on shared bodily circuitry. That is why Simon feels he is “broken and rotting”. In reality his feelings are a normal reaction of a psyche to an abnormal situation it is locked inside.