Consent No One Ever Asked For

“Games. Consensual” — that is what Jacob told the detective, and “the funniest part” of this lie is that it is almost true: only about the three years, not about that night. A game in which he “himself had handed out the roles, written the rules, assigned the punishments and made sure the other player never dared leave.” Consensual, without anyone ever asking for consent. It is the most precise definition of coercion in the book — and it is given by the one who did the coercing.

Consent is not the absence of resistance, and it is not the fact that the other person “didn’t leave.” It is a free “yes” that can be taken back without consequences. Where there is fear, dependence and an imbalance of power, silence and even the body’s participation prove nothing (see “In the Fantasies He Chose It”). This card is the key to every scene of intimacy from here on: each time, ask not “did Simon respond” but “could he have said no and stayed whole.” Today the second player walked out — for the first time. We will see how long he is allowed to.